A week or so ago, a fellow gay, Texan blogger posted a rather interesting comment to my January 14th post entitled "Balancing Act". An exerpt of his comment is as follows:"Wish you would write a post sometime giving your view on the difference in coming out to your family, black as compared to white. I've read a number of times that it's harder for blacks and that's why many are on the "down low..."
He welcomed my input into this aspect of coming out in a Black family as opposed to a White family with the following question:
"...How is it different, say, if your family is urban, black, and A.M.E., than if they are rural, white, and Southern Baptist?"
Let me offer my belief in the form of an analogy. Your baseball team has been down all game; inning after inning was spent trying to catch up. Now, you are down to the final out. This is your chance to hit a home run, and you step up to the plate.
Now, imagine this same scenario, split, yet happening at the same time with two different batters --- one White, and one Black. The (Caucasian) umpire is "society", and he's just called 3 balls and 1 strike for the White batter. The Black fans in the stands are livid, because they thought ALL of the balls thrown so far were strikes.
In the other split scenario with the Black batter, again the (Caucasian) umpire is "society", and he's just called 2 strikes and 2 balls. Again, the Black fans in the stands are livid, but in this scenario, they are mad because they thought ALL of the balls pitched so far were nowhere close to being strikes.
Which batter do you think is under more pressure to swing and succeed on the very next pitch? The Black.. or White batter? Now, imagine this scenario playing out over generations. Perceptions have morphed and hardened over time, especially in the Black family unit --- and the Black fans in both games are now adamant that what they saw was reality.
In a time where few Black men step up to the plate and be real fathers... in a time where more are in jail than in college... in a time of constantly playing catchup... how would a family feel if they gave birth to a Black man or woman that showed promise -- only to find out they are gay? Already down 1 strike for being Black in this society, strike 2 for being gay/lesbian, many within the Black family unit see 'you' as the game changer... the "One" that can fight against society's hatred and win... propelling the family into a brighter future by bringing forth offspring in your image. The pressure is enormous -- and I speak firsthand.
Perception is a bitch, man... and I by no means am saying it is harder for all Blacks. There are White men and women that went through an unimaginably difficult 'Tribulation'. For those people who are "on the down low", I believe they are firmly planted in the 3rd step of the Tribulation -- Realization. Many Blacks are caught in a delicate balancing act out of fear of losing family members. So are Whites, Latinos, and other ethnicities... but again, the pressure and perception of this particular society, to many Blacks, tips the scale in the other direction.
Forgive me for yet another analogy, but for the most part, a person spends more fuel trying to lift off in a tougher environment with the wind at their face. To me, the urban, Black scenario generally fits this analogy more than a rural, White scenario --- and religion I don't think tips the scales either way, since both could be Southern Baptist and raised in an ultra-religious family structure.
That's my two cents, my friend.. now I'm broke.
Now, imagine this same scenario, split, yet happening at the same time with two different batters --- one White, and one Black. The (Caucasian) umpire is "society", and he's just called 3 balls and 1 strike for the White batter. The Black fans in the stands are livid, because they thought ALL of the balls thrown so far were strikes.
In the other split scenario with the Black batter, again the (Caucasian) umpire is "society", and he's just called 2 strikes and 2 balls. Again, the Black fans in the stands are livid, but in this scenario, they are mad because they thought ALL of the balls pitched so far were nowhere close to being strikes.
Which batter do you think is under more pressure to swing and succeed on the very next pitch? The Black.. or White batter? Now, imagine this scenario playing out over generations. Perceptions have morphed and hardened over time, especially in the Black family unit --- and the Black fans in both games are now adamant that what they saw was reality.In a time where few Black men step up to the plate and be real fathers... in a time where more are in jail than in college... in a time of constantly playing catchup... how would a family feel if they gave birth to a Black man or woman that showed promise -- only to find out they are gay? Already down 1 strike for being Black in this society, strike 2 for being gay/lesbian, many within the Black family unit see 'you' as the game changer... the "One" that can fight against society's hatred and win... propelling the family into a brighter future by bringing forth offspring in your image. The pressure is enormous -- and I speak firsthand.
Perception is a bitch, man... and I by no means am saying it is harder for all Blacks. There are White men and women that went through an unimaginably difficult 'Tribulation'. For those people who are "on the down low", I believe they are firmly planted in the 3rd step of the Tribulation -- Realization. Many Blacks are caught in a delicate balancing act out of fear of losing family members. So are Whites, Latinos, and other ethnicities... but again, the pressure and perception of this particular society, to many Blacks, tips the scale in the other direction.
Forgive me for yet another analogy, but for the most part, a person spends more fuel trying to lift off in a tougher environment with the wind at their face. To me, the urban, Black scenario generally fits this analogy more than a rural, White scenario --- and religion I don't think tips the scales either way, since both could be Southern Baptist and raised in an ultra-religious family structure.
That's my two cents, my friend.. now I'm broke.
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