Calm After the Storm

You know, one of the weird things about plunging into Single life again is that some sort of past life starts creeping back on you. You spend so much time merged with someone else that you begin morphing into something else -- something hopefully better than when you entered the relationship. But once the storm of my last breakup passed, an eerie, almost unsettling calm descended upon me.

So, as 2009 heads into full steam, that's what I still feel right now -- and it's not necessarily bad. Yes, there's still the mixture of pain, angst, and residual love -- but I finally realized that someone else really needed me during this eerie calmness... and that person is... well, me. I started to pick up with things that I enjoyed doing before the relationship, and ultimately, spent more time pulling weeds from my own garden.

Here I am... self-pampered with hot bubble baths, candles, and I even shopped for 1 item as a "makeup present" to myself....two vests, a juicer, an annual gym membership, 4 dress shirts, and a messenger bag.... okay, that's like 9 gifts, but you get the picture. It's almost like reconciling a marriage to myself, but with fewer fights. (I think I'll start fighting politically for Self-Marriage rights...)

After reconciling my marriage to myself, I noticed myself doing things that the original Kevin loves to do -- working out/running, writing dual novels, hanging out with friends, and tending to needy family members. During this 'calm after the storm' phase, I really began to realize that I have a wonderful group of friends that seem to come out of the woodwork at random intervals; they surprise me with delicious chicken soup for my soul. Even my mother, whom I have enjoyed a much closer relationship with since coming out to her years ago, has shown a surprising level of support -- which is really cool.

But, the weirdest thing is .... well, people interested in you romantically seem to spring out of the ground like tulips ... showing off their colors and their ability to woo you into a quality flower bed. Refreshingly enough, I know these flowers are the real deal because they are the ones that are willing to wait until conditions are right before they really put on a show.

In the meantime, I'm embracing the calm after the storm and trying my best to let ill feelings settle into the ashes. Perhaps I'm caught in a cycle where hope and faith will prevail ... and subsequently make me a better person in the end.