My First Interracial Relationship

In April 2002, I entered my first 'interracial' relationship with a younger guy in Louisiana. I have courted men of different ethnic backgrounds before, but never got as close with anyone as I did this man.

The first thing I thought about was whether people in my own race would think I'm some sort of sellout or something. In a weird way, at the time, I felt like one. I don't know where the 'obligation' to date someone with universal approval ever came from. All I knew is that my inner child connected with this guy, and I wanted to follow my heart.

Once I took the plunge, so many concerns ran through my head. The biggest demon to deal with was perception. I remember the weird looks when we'd go out on the town, and some of them cut like knives. Yeah... the fact that people can be both gay and racist never dawned on me until I endured my first 'interracial' relationship.

It was the first time for a lot of things with this guy. Getting to know each others families was one of the high notes, though daunting at first. It's amazing how people react to initial salutations for different reasons than you'd think. My Mom was more shocked at his height than the fact that he was White... or a man, for that matter. At the same time, I'm not sure how his parents really felt about me at first -- but after I mentioned that I don't like driving stick shifts, I felt like his father was testing me when he let me use his truck to help my man move one day... and yeah, it had a manual transmission. He tossed the keys and gently hit me in the chest with them before I caught them with my hand.

The look on his face... I'll never forget... it was like a gauntlet had been thrown down. Ugh, talk about pressure. The entire trip, all I could say to myself is please don't wreck this man's truck. If he were to ever become my father-in-law, I'd spend the rest of my life in a purgatory of sorts.

Anyway, for me, the most refreshing thing about being in an 'interracial' relationship is finding acceptance -- and I have been lucky to find that in nearly all cases. Nowadays, the weird looks and stupid, stereotypical questions don't even phase me. I guess it's one of the benefits of growing older. But one thing remains the same... and that's the anxiety of waiting to learn how the other guy's family will perceive me when we meet.

But at least now I understand that if it goes well, then that's great. If not, the fact still remains that we gay men/women can find comfort in defining and assembling our own "families". These families can offer still offer the love, support, and stability that we need in the face of adversity.

Nevertheless, it's our sole responsibility to nourish our own inner child because no one else knows it better... especially the people that flash the weird looks. Now, I have to mention that I certainly realize that some inner children are not colorblind, (which doesn't make that person a racist), but for those with a colorblind inner child, I must ask... whose approval do we really need to seek when we decide to date outside of our own ethnicity?