My First Relationship With an HIV+ Man (Part 1)

I'm about to open up to you about something that most of my closest friends did not know prior to this post debuting on "The Black Man Next Door". It was the most challenging and darkest hour of my existence, and it's taking everything inside of me to open this door and let some light in.

Picture it... Dallas... February 2008... my initial conversations with a 28-year-old man from East Texas were heating up. You probably know where I'm coming from when I mention how refreshing it is to chat with someone online about ordinary, everyday things.

There are no talks about penis size. There are no questions about 'pitching' or 'catching'. Now granted, hot sex-talk is nearly inevitable at some point leading up to a relationship... but as I progress through my 30s, I find it more and more distasteful to do so before even finding out each others name.

Much to my relief, my newfound East Texas beau and I properly introduced ourselves LONG before getting into any sex talk, and I felt really good talking to him. So, a couple of weeks later, something happened to me that had never happened before. This man actually asked me out on a date, and he offered to make the short drive into Dallas to meet me at Cafe Brazil. We cemented the plans and our first date was on.

Needless to say, things went very, very well... and he decided to move to Dallas so we could truly be together. Then, one day at work, I received a phone call from him. He informed me that he had recently gone to get an HIV test again and this time, it came back positive. I suddenly felt like I was breathing through a straw, and I dropped the phone on the desk.

Granted, I had never had unprotected sex with him -- and HIV isn't the death sentence it used to be -- I was still mortified. Yes, I was scared for myself -- but when tears streamed down my face, they were tears for him. I couldn't imagine what he was going through, and all I wanted to do was hold him. My dear friend and co-worker, nicknamed "Godfather", caught wind that something was amiss and escorted me outside before the waterworks really got out of my control.

This day would be my first encounter with the issue of having relations with an HIV positive man. The dynamics suddenly posed a myriad of challenges for us. The emotions I felt were an elixir of shock, fear, confusion, sadness.... and love. Later that afternoon, he called back and offered me an easy way out. If I wanted to end it right then and there, he expressed his understanding. However, the thought of ending the relationship never crossed my mind... and that's when I knew that my love for him was real.

However, unbeknownst to me at the time, there were darkening clouds swirling around the dynamics of this relationship that neither of us could ignore....

TO BE CONTINUED