So, here I am at work about to finish graveyard shift #6 of 7. One of my co-worker's loud, crunchy music is flowing from the speakers... I feel like a prickly pear is jammed so far in my ear that it's poking out of my ass. I actually want to cough up blood right now. It's safe to say that I'm a bit desperate to get away from the office and make the 35 minute drive home into a nice, warm bed.
Traffic in my brain is typically light at this hour, so not many thoughts creep in and out the door. But tonight, I'm thinking about someone that's currently on the outer periphery... but swiftly gravitating towards my inner circle. I've put my hands out to prevent him from getting too close too fast, and as he emerges into view, I frantically search for any red flags lurking nearby. Ahhh, I squint my eyes, and I just may see one.
Assessing whether someone is "right" for you is such a tightrope to walk, isn't it? On one side, you want to protect yourself... and on the other, you don't want to end up crushing a potentially wonderful thing before it even gets off the ground. Plus, after 2007 and 2008 crushed my self-esteem with significant failures, I can't help but put my hands up to at least slow this guy's speed down... at least until I'm ready.
Ready for what? *grin* I'll post that answer when I find out. I do know one thing; just after my last relationship, a "guardian angel" landed on my shoulder and whispered some very good advice into my ear. Rebuild my self-esteem by taking risks, showing myself that I can survive the nuclear fallout from a risk, and don't run away from my fears. Critically analyze my fears and anxieties and ask what is the worst possible thing that could happen? What, if anything, have I truly lost if things go wrong?
So, here I stand with arms stretched forward -- not to stop this guy altogether, but just slow him down. Now that he's slowed down a bit, I've definitely detected a red flag. After a nice date at a coffeehouse and another at the International House of Pancakes, I'm asked if "we" were dating. All the level 2 pet names start flowing from his lips... sweetheart, babe, sexy........... boyfriend.
(Music interrupted via record scratching to a halt)
Oh, fuck-nuggets... that's just great. Now, I'm left asking myself if he really likes me for me, or does he like me for love? As in: does he desire ME, or does he desire LOVE? Is love pulling him, or is he pushing love? I may be overly cynical, but how can you really know if you love someone until you've been tested? I mean... really tested. Is this the red flag known as "loving the idea of being in love" that I see?
I do like him. We have a good initial test firing, but not all the cylinders are spinning yet. There's a good repor, and definitely some compatibility -- but certainly, more research is needed on my side of the fence. This red flag may be a bit complicated to deal with, like walking minefields. 2009 is a long stretch of road ahead, and I'm in no hurry to get my feet blown off. However, I'm taking the angel's advice and navigating slowly. Wish me luck!
Traffic in my brain is typically light at this hour, so not many thoughts creep in and out the door. But tonight, I'm thinking about someone that's currently on the outer periphery... but swiftly gravitating towards my inner circle. I've put my hands out to prevent him from getting too close too fast, and as he emerges into view, I frantically search for any red flags lurking nearby. Ahhh, I squint my eyes, and I just may see one.
Assessing whether someone is "right" for you is such a tightrope to walk, isn't it? On one side, you want to protect yourself... and on the other, you don't want to end up crushing a potentially wonderful thing before it even gets off the ground. Plus, after 2007 and 2008 crushed my self-esteem with significant failures, I can't help but put my hands up to at least slow this guy's speed down... at least until I'm ready.
Ready for what? *grin* I'll post that answer when I find out. I do know one thing; just after my last relationship, a "guardian angel" landed on my shoulder and whispered some very good advice into my ear. Rebuild my self-esteem by taking risks, showing myself that I can survive the nuclear fallout from a risk, and don't run away from my fears. Critically analyze my fears and anxieties and ask what is the worst possible thing that could happen? What, if anything, have I truly lost if things go wrong?
So, here I stand with arms stretched forward -- not to stop this guy altogether, but just slow him down. Now that he's slowed down a bit, I've definitely detected a red flag. After a nice date at a coffeehouse and another at the International House of Pancakes, I'm asked if "we" were dating. All the level 2 pet names start flowing from his lips... sweetheart, babe, sexy........... boyfriend.
(Music interrupted via record scratching to a halt)
Oh, fuck-nuggets... that's just great. Now, I'm left asking myself if he really likes me for me, or does he like me for love? As in: does he desire ME, or does he desire LOVE? Is love pulling him, or is he pushing love? I may be overly cynical, but how can you really know if you love someone until you've been tested? I mean... really tested. Is this the red flag known as "loving the idea of being in love" that I see?
I do like him. We have a good initial test firing, but not all the cylinders are spinning yet. There's a good repor, and definitely some compatibility -- but certainly, more research is needed on my side of the fence. This red flag may be a bit complicated to deal with, like walking minefields. 2009 is a long stretch of road ahead, and I'm in no hurry to get my feet blown off. However, I'm taking the angel's advice and navigating slowly. Wish me luck!
Here's someone who had a chance to get to know you ... alittle ... and here's me wishing you all the luck in the world.
ReplyDeleteThanks, G. I can already tell I'll need it. If it doesn't work out, then what have I lost?
ReplyDelete