The Moral Tug of War

The anniversary of one of the darkest moments in my life has now come and gone. It's not nearly as painful as it used to be, and nowadays, it just serves as a milestone... a milestone to remind me that there is always something to learn from setbacks.

Years ago, just after closing on my brand new house, I was herded into an office and unceremoniously handed my walking papers. I had just found out that an old friend of mine had committed suicide, and later on that evening, my house's main circuit breaker blew out -- costing hundreds of dollars that I soon wouldn't have. When it rains, it pours right?

Aside from my own struggles, I learned that one of my good friends knew I was on the list to be laid off. He also knew I was getting a new house. I remember the look on his face to this day... the look of a tormented, young, Republican father and husband. Our friendship had gotten onto the fast track, despite our vast differences... and when he admitted that he knew, he fought back the tears and apologized profusely.

At the time, I was fighting my own emotions -- oblivious to the fact that my friend was caught in the middle of a moral tug of war. I didn't know if I could forgive him, but being as diplomatic and non-confrontational as possible, I accepted his apology. Now, I'm so glad that I didn't take the lash-out-with-anger approach.

You see, it turns out that the boss lady told him not to reveal the list of the axed. She never told him he'd be fired if he did, but I could only imagine being forced to weigh the possibility of not being able to provide for your spouse and child vs. a really good friendship. To him, it was obvious to choose maintaining his job over our friendship... and I know it must have been the most difficult thing he ever had to do by keeping that information from me. He knew that I could very well lose my house after my job. But still, he couldn't risk his job, so he had to keep me in the dark... and thus, I was blindsided when the day came.

A moral tug of war... loyalty vs. truth... that's what he was faced with. Right vs. Right dilemmas are so damned tough to unravel, aren't they? The Anti-Choice vs. Pro-Choice dilemma... the death penalty debate... there are so many "right vs. right" arguments that have existed for so long because both sides have a valid premise.

Nevertheless, although that day was filled with lots of bad things -- I came away with a very positive message. I believe there's always something valid behind the reason people do the things they do... act the way they act... are the way they are. Ignorance is just a matter of ignoring the question of "why".... and things are almost never what they appear to be.