Abused by an Abuser, Part II

Recently, I published a post regarding a celebrity's unfortunate encounter with her boyfriend last week. Click HERE.

It angered me so much that I still have residual feelings and thoughts about it. In the grandest limelight of the media stage, we hear about abused women all the time. But what about us men?

I've never spoken of what I'm about to tell you next... not even to my best friends, family, or co-workers. However, it's stories like this that make me wonder how many abused men are in hiding. How many of them are afraid that the police will do nothing if they report their lover? Abused men in gay relationships further complicates that fact.

The abuse comes in many forms, as I'm sure you're aware. Physical is the most obvious and overt. The worse it gets, the harder it is to hide from those closest to you. I was in an abusive relationship years ago -- one that lasted nearly 2 years. Now, mind you, I learned something about myself long ago -- thanks to my stepfather -- and that is, you don't dish out a hit without this homo fighting back. I'm small, but I'm scrappy like that. So, although my boyfriend at the time didn't abuse me physically, it came at me through verbal and mental means.

A lover's verbal and mental abuse creeps up on you like a night-stalker. I didn't see it coming like the headlights of an oncoming train. Rather, in my blind love, it took me nearly a year just to identify what was crushing me. Most of that time was spent denying it... pondering more palatable alternatives... trying to rationalize what was really going on between us.

Gradually, I settled into the role of peacemaker. We'd fight -- and he'd always be right... a master of manipulation... his powerful grip on my heart literally choked the life out of my mental acuity. I was willing to accept the role of someone inferior, just to keep balance and peace.

Some men like to tackle problems with physical exertion... "doers"... simple, logical thinkers... if it's in the way, move it... alter their surroundings anyway they see fit. If their man is out of line, smack them back in place. That's that. Others like me tend to tackle problems with mental exertion... "be-ers"... adapting to surroundings, rather than attempting to alter them... treating life and its problems as a delicate balancing act between surpluses and deficiencies. That quality worked against me in that relationship.

I packed up a suitcase, bought an airline ticket, and flew to Anchorage, Alaska. I needed to get away to someplace cold, crisp, and reflective. I stayed there for a few days, and a friend of mine called me one night. We talked for hours, and he was the rock I needed to help me face reality. I finally worked up the nerve to end the relationship. Despite leaving him, I felt bad... horrible.. like it was all my fault.

Now, I consider myself lucky. Who knows how many men are being abused out there, and they haven't found the strength to exit? Who knows how many abused men are caught in the delicate balancing act of keeping the peace... and keeping their focus on only the positive aspects of their abusive relationship. Today, I come out of the closet... for a second time.