2009 has turned out to be a wonderful year so far, albeit only 25% complete. Compared to last year, things could only have gone up... and now, I can feel changes in the wind.Starting in May, I'll be alone for the first time in seven years. On the surface, it may sound bad... especially for those who are wary of loneliness. However, I won't have that lonely feeling. My roommate is moving out, and it will just be the dogs and me in the house.
I will hear the creaking of the house; the wind rushing against the window; a dog in the distance; the tiniest raindrops hitting the roof. Peace and quiet... total autonomy... laying on the couch naked, watching whatever I want, whenever I want.
There won't be a lover in my bed, which isn't all bad either. At least my arm and shoulder won't be numb from sleeping in awkward positions. I won't be waking up to his alarm clock, or his bedshaking trips to the bathroom, or his snoring. Dare I say it? I'm actually at peace being single and having my house all to myself... me, the Black Man Next Door.. a man driven by intimacy and connection.
In retrospect, I think 2008 took something from me -- a very big part of me -- and now, I refuse to give away just a part of me to another guy. Finally, I'm quite comfortable with taking all the "me time" I need, enjoying life as it presents itself, and being as selfish as possible without consequence to someone else. Perhaps someday, I'll once again have the whole me to give away to that special guy.
'me time' is always good
ReplyDeleteGood for you! BTW, if I had been your roommate, you could have laid naked on the couch anytime.
ReplyDeleteI think many people confuse alone with lonely, when they are, in fact, two different states of being.
ReplyDeleteI was alone for many years and it was okay because I wasn't lonely.
Now that I am not alone, I sometimes miss those days of the house to myself, all the choices made by me, and for me, even though I wouldn't trade this life for that life.
Alone is fine by me; lonely is a state I don't often visit.
You're reconnecting with spirit, which always is a blessing. Like Bob and V said, being alone and me time is not a bad thing at all. Often I find it very edifying.
ReplyDeleteBest o' luck in your journey my brother.
I am 'breaking up' with my roomie of 4 years, my brother Kyle, at the end of the month. This entry totally hits home with me because, even though I am a social person, I am looking forward to all the things you mentioned and then some. Happy for you....
ReplyDeleteI LOVE change it always bring with it a chance to start anew...enjoy guy
ReplyDeleteI'll check in on you from time to time if that's okay. :-) And oh yeah, I don't snore.
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