The Burning Bridge

Every so often, I sit and ponder over a hot cup of coffee -- just like I'm doing right now. I think about the people in my present life... past life... and future life. As the world moves, shakes, and spins, the most powerful choices involved either meeting someone halfway on the bridge, or burning it.

In an individual sense, I'd like to believe that making that type of choice is cut and dry. If an ex-lover makes contact to apologize, do I respond? If an employer that treats me like shit suddenly wants me back, do I burn the bridge? If I do something to hurt someone else and they disappear from the radar, do I even bother trying to make things right? There are so many dynamics to consider in burning a bridge or meeting someone halfway -- and I'd like to think that we as individuals understand the repercussions of either choice. But do we?

In a community sense, specifically the gay community, it seems like we want to have our cake and eat it too, sometimes. A fellow blogger 'across the pond' posted something yesterday that really got me thinking. He was upset that there are those out there that think gays are being gradually diluted... assimilated into a "heterosexual" culture and losing our sense of identity. I share my fellow blogger's agitation, but I think our community is doing something equivalent to trying to meet the "other party" halfway on a bridge and then set it on fire.

We want our rights... which I wholeheartedly support, of course.. and some countries are further along in that quest than others. But, in getting them, we encounter all sorts of problems such as getting a divorce from a gay marriage -- depending on where you are in the world. Should we lash out at other communities and be pissed off because it's not easy? Well, it's not easy for straight people, either -- and they HAVE globally recognized marriages.

We want acceptance from the 'outside', which is nothing short of reasonable... I'd be pragmatically happy with just tolerance- acceptance is a welcomed bonus to me! Nonetheless, when we receive that in the form of having more heterosexual friends... fag hags... straight couples hanging out in gay bars and neighborhoods.. new businesses springing up in the gayborhood that cater to a broader audience than just the homosexual community -- some take that as some sort of alien invasion. Those are the people that are paranoid about the erosion of gay communities and utter decay of our communal identity.

As I take the last sip of my now-cold coffee, I pose this question. Why did homosexuals coagulate into communities in the first place? What prompted the existence of meccas such as The Castro... Boyztown... Cedar Springs... Chelsea? Was it fear of persecution, violence, and intolerance that gave us the need for these 'safe havens'? I tend to believe that is certainly true.... but with the desire for withering intolerance comes integration. Throughout history, that truth bleeds from lines of sexual orientation all the way to race, religion, and nationality. The GLBT community is not immune.

So, for the paranoid soul, relax. This is what happens when you meet people halfway on the bridge. They don't necessarily look the same on the bridge as they did standing way on the other side. You hardly ever get exactly what you ask for, so we should tread carefully. This is the price we pay for tolerance and acceptance. So, rather than contemplate burning the bridge and keeping straights out of our neighborhoods -- compromise. We can still tolerate and accept them into our bars and restaurants without losing the color in our wings, the gayness in our souls, or the brightness of our communities.