So, here I am... roasting through another brutal summer in North Texas. As the sun scorches the landscape outside, I've taken refuge within the cool confines of my dwelling -- fighting off sheer boredom and relentless silence.It wasn't long before I realized it was the perfect day to comb through the cyberstreets and see if there were any cool, single men out there to chit-chat with. As I "window-shopped", I couldn't help notice how many profiles contained phrases like, "Black Man looking for the same..." or "No Blacks or Asians... it's just my preference, no offense".
For some reason, these types of informational nuggets are eyebrow raising as they immediately trigger two stark trains of thought in my mind. Are those who go out of their way to post such distastes revealing racist qualities? Or, is this simply a method of weeding out people we know we won't be attracted to? And to that thought... how do we KNOW we won't be attracted to ALL members of a certain race?
Just browsing at the black-and-white definition of 'racist' in the dictionary (ummm.. no pun intended), if this is an example of being a racist, can we conclude that this individual has a hatred or intolerance for another race? Can we conclude that he/she thinks they are of a superior race due to inherent differences among the various human races? I don't believe so. In some strange way, it's almost like accusing gay men of being sexist because they automatically cross all women off of their dating portfolio.
Now things kind of blur when the aforementioned profiles reveal that he/she is open for something other than a relationship or sex -- like a good old fashioned friendship. Meeting new friends can't hurt, right? So, what if a White male that is truly looking for friendship automatically deletes chat requests from all Black men? Does that make him a racist? Or is he just being dishonest with himself, in that he isn't really looking for friendship?
And who said just women are complex individuals? (Sexist people, probably...)
Interesting post. I say that because a) I find all of your posts interesting which may offer up the presumption that I am biased and b) I, too, have come across those while chatting online or even out/about with friends who have chosen not to verbally converse with me because of my age and body/frame-size. It might sound funny but it's true. My age, which is now 43, has truly been the deal breaker for some guys out there and yeah, a few have said the same as what you have written here regarding race. Perhaps in terms of race when it comes to dating, it could be a deeper embedded understanding of what a person desires or likes or has been taught to like over time. I, personally, have no true preference when it comes to race HOWEVER ... in the end, the personality of a person, white, black, yellow, red, etc., goes a long way to accepting that person for who they are and if I want them in my life at all -- be it as a friend or partner. It's strange how most gay men out there who claim they want friendship really only want SEX and for those type of men, they don't really care what race you are. I'm single and truth be told, if I had my way, I would rather be involved with someone. The right guy comes along and perhaps he already has and I did not choose to notice him before, I would not look at the color of his skin but rather the spirit he exhibits and of course, as earlier written, his personality, too. As for those who seem to only limit their possible choices to a specific color OR age bracket -- I guess I can only respect their choices as surely as I would have them respect mine. But you are quite observant, my friend. A lot of guys out there will state their preference choices first and foremost and everything else is -- well, null and void in their minds at least. Shame really but you know something else? That leaves the field open for guys like me to find the guy I am seeking to spend my life with and make no mistake, HE is out there! He has to be...
ReplyDeleteWell good morning, Monkey Brains! I totally agree with your response in all respects. I've never lost hope that "HE" is out there for each and every one of us.
ReplyDeleteMy fear is that somewhere along the way I met him and didn't realize it. :-( Btw, you need to post more, my friend. Year: 2009, you had 133 post. Yearh: 2010, we won't even mention here and now, and so far this year? Uh, hello. So get to it, man. Start writing more!
ReplyDeleteHa! My short stories have been absorbing a lot of my writing time (what little I've had lately)... sorry I missed your call earlier, too. My grandma can be so chatty, but at least she gave me fodder for my next blog entry.
ReplyDeleteOur preferences are interesting. I'd argue that a racial preference in dating need not be racist, but should certainly be examined. We pick up so much racism from society that it would be a miracle if we weren't affected by it. We need to examine ourselves carefully for bias.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed some racial trends in my own preferences, and have tried to analyse them. I've decided I'm okay: I don't care what a guy's skin-colour is; I just like pretty boys. The thing is that most good-looking Asian guys are pretty (a few are handsome), while most good-looking black guys are handsome (a few are pretty). Other groups are more variable. But that is not, in itself, a racial preference, and I'm perfectly happy to appreciate a pretty black guy when I come across one.
Even if you do have racial preferences in dating, that's not necessarily a bad thing, any more than it's bad to have a preference for tall guys, or muscular guys, or pretty guys, or, for that matter, to have a thing for women. Much can be determined, though, by the way someone expresses these preferences. And "not necessarily racist" does not mean "not racist".
TRiG.