The Ex-Files: 2009-1970=39?

Picture it. Dallas. 2009.

I was in one of those romantic dry-spells, healing my wounds and preparing to keep on living life. It was by sheer chance that I would bump into a guy online that I had chatted with years prior. Judging by his picture, he was a smoking hot guy -- and British, to boot!

Eventually, we would finally meet at a public place and start the process getting to know more about one another. And when that day came, he showed up in a nice pair of distressed jeans, a tight muscle shirt, and a baseball cap with rough edges. He almost looked like an older version of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. The first words out of his mouth carried the sweet sounds of a British accent, and I immediately felt my knees weaken.

As our date went on, I learned quite a bit about him. He told me he was a 39-year old Flight Attendant for a well-known airline. Eventually, we entered a relationship and I met his mother... and even his ex-boyfriend who had to have been pushing 50 or so. Then, the subtle signs began to appear.

He'd never let me see his passport or any other identification... and when I caught him dyeing his hair one day, my gut told me to ask him what year he was born.

"1970," he answered.
"Damn," I thought to myself.

After that, I must have asked him how old he was at least 5 more times -- and strangely enough, he'd always answer that he was born in 1970 rather than give me his age in years. I just knew he was lying about his age; but other than subtle things about his body that fueled my speculation, I had no hard proof... literally. Soon thereafter, I had my smoking gun that he was not 39 years old at all. In fact, he was 10 years off.... but damned good looking nonetheless.

Although we eventually broke it off, I was left wondering had he told me his real age at the time, would it have made any difference? Was I making a bigger issue out of it than it was? Yeah, I'll put it out there -- trust is a big thing for me, to the point of being an addiction. But there will always be that "what-if" thought in the back of my mind...

Did I potentially pass up a wonderful opportunity because 2009 minus 1970 didn't equal 39?

Only Black Men Need Apply... No Offense!

So, here I am... roasting through another brutal summer in North Texas. As the sun scorches the landscape outside, I've taken refuge within the cool confines of my dwelling -- fighting off sheer boredom and relentless silence.

It wasn't long before I realized it was the perfect day to comb through the cyberstreets and see if there were any cool, single men out there to chit-chat with. As I "window-shopped", I couldn't help notice how many profiles contained phrases like, "Black Man looking for the same..." or "No Blacks or Asians... it's just my preference, no offense".

For some reason, these types of informational nuggets are eyebrow raising as they immediately trigger two stark trains of thought in my mind. Are those who go out of their way to post such distastes revealing racist qualities? Or, is this simply a method of weeding out people we know we won't be attracted to? And to that thought... how do we KNOW we won't be attracted to ALL members of a certain race?

Just browsing at the black-and-white definition of 'racist' in the dictionary (ummm.. no pun intended), if this is an example of being a racist, can we conclude that this individual has a hatred or intolerance for another race? Can we conclude that he/she thinks they are of a superior race due to inherent differences among the various human races? I don't believe so. In some strange way, it's almost like accusing gay men of being sexist because they automatically cross all women off of their dating portfolio.

Now things kind of blur when the aforementioned profiles reveal that he/she is open for something other than a relationship or sex -- like a good old fashioned friendship. Meeting new friends can't hurt, right? So, what if a White male that is truly looking for friendship automatically deletes chat requests from all Black men? Does that make him a racist? Or is he just being dishonest with himself, in that he isn't really looking for friendship?

And who said just women are complex individuals? (Sexist people, probably...)